I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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