if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
