Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
