its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
jump out the window naked night went bad
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