Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
