Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
