Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
