omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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