I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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