Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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