once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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