Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Someone shit on the floor
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
