she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
