you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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