shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
please come you make the beer taste better
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
