there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize