don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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