I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
