He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We had to coat check the pizza.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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