Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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