he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
