SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
