Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
