My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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