if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
