if you like me you must not know who I am
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
