Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
