So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
