Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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