i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
