I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
