She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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