3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
