I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
