I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
