put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
