i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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