Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
