I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize