Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
