Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
