He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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