I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
