I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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