Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
