i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
