Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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