oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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