I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
