Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
