It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
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the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
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THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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