She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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