after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
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Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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