we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
