dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
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Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
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Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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