3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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