blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
