Duck Duck Cougar?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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