He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
