i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
