dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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