My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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