Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
