We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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