Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
