i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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