I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
