theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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