is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
