The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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